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My friend Ariel (that’s her real name, I’ll tell you more about her later) is a writer turned accidental rock climber. Which is kind of a weird thing to say since you don’t exactly fall up a mountain. Her then boyfriend and now husband convinced her that this was going to be their couples hobby on something like their 5th date. Ariel is terrified of heights, by the way. The first time they went out she got an amazing 6 feet into the air before exploding into tears and full blown panic. Slowly though, she started loving it. They kept climbing every chance they got and before long they were planning their dream –scaling half dome in Yosemite national park. 

The training involved not only physical fitness and honing their technical skills as climbers, but it was mental too. They would spend hours researching each leg of the journey. There was first and foremost a 5 hour hike to the base of the climb. They studied each pitch, that is the length of the climb that can be protected by one length of rope. They read blog posts, watched go-pro helmet videos, scoured the internet for anything they could find that would help them feel ready. 

They made it an almost daily event to run up to the top of a steep hill behind their house, they would climb lots of smaller mountains throughout the year leading up to half dome. Finally it was time, 16 hours of climbing ahead of them, they set out for a birds eye view of the yosemite valley floor. 

This podcast is for ariel
It’s for anyone looking for solidarity for the long climb of a creative life

It’s for artists wondering why it is so much easier to celebrate others accomplishments instead of their own. 

This show is for anyone looking to debunk that “tortured artist” stereotype, for those who want to believe that the creative life can bring us deep satisfaction, healing, and even joy. I’m so glad you’re here. 

I’m Merideth Hite Estevez, and this is Artists for joy the podcast

SHORT MUSIC BREAK 

each week I will share stories of artists seeking joy… We’ll explore how so many travelers along this the artist’s way have left us bread crumbs—wisdom and inspiration that can help us stay joyful on the journey.

This week on the podcast, the how to series continues with I think a very fun topic–how to celebrate. I’ll share how I am learning how finding joy and delight in the journey is, well, it’s kind of the point. I’ll share two things I am forcing myself to celebrate, in spite of the imposter thoughts in my head, plus I’ll share the results of a listener poll I did of our community members about why it can be hard to celebrate even our biggest creative accomplishments, plus I’ll give you something to consider this week. 
But first heres some more music.

I don’t know what it is like where you live right now, but the photos just don’t do it justice in my life lately. The harvest moon from a few nights ago, the blazing orange autumn leaves here in Michigan–they stop me in my tracks. By the way, how poetic is it that there are just some things about certain natural phenomena that our little all-powerful iphones just can’t get. I probably have 30 different snaps of fall foliage that I keep taking when I am at that stop sign on the road home and when I look at them now, they just don’t capture the burning bushes, the awe I felt when I saw them, the breathless whispering “wow look at that” to myself in the empty car.

And so you go make your husband get off the couch and see that moon through the kitchen window and suddenly you both feel it— what a miracle it is to be alive and together and here right now under this moon and you reach for your phone to take a picture to capture the moment, (because, hey, we are nothing if not a product of our time) and that photo is laughable compared to what your plain ole human eyes can behold. The iphone 13 camera can do a lot, and maybe you’re a photographer with a national geographic level camera who can capture the essence of anything, but even so, I still think there’s something sacred about just looking up, being awake to the beauty that’s right there, waiting to be praised and loved and enjoyed and held close in this one precious life we get. 

If standing in the dark kitchen in my slippers staring up at the moon is one side of the coin then my success obsessed hustling head down life as an artist is the other. If you follow me on social media, you know that I just pitched my very first book to some dream publishers last friday. That date is important, I’ll say more about why later, but just know that the launch of these hopeful email pitches into the atmosphere was moved up by a couple of days because my agent thought the time was now. He had read the proposal. He thought we were ready. I was not so sure, but honestly I had read that thing so many times I wasn’t even sure it was in english anymore haha. So we sent it last friday. It felt like watching a rocket launch and then wondering if it was even real because the sound of the thing exiting the atmosphere hadn’t reached you yet. I was feeling all kinds of ways. Relieved. Dreadful. Ecstatic. Hopeful. Scared. Publishing is a hurry up and wait business if there ever was one. So me and my feelings are hanging out waiting and in the meantime life goes on and I keep working, keep hitting publish on this show like I have done every friday more or less since April 2020. Bracing myself for some impact that I couldn’t explain. And a couple of hours later, when I am obsessively checking my email for updates from my agent, I get a message from my podcast hosting platform service, saying “congratulations on your 100 episode of artists for joy podcast.” And the thing that stopped me in my tracks was something the email said—click here to tell us how you are celebrating this milestone! 

How I am celebrating this milestone? Well, I know this sounds like a good time… I’ll be compulsively looking at my phone until I know the verdict of whether or not my book is worth publishing, until I know if all my hard work even mattered. Sounds like a party, no? 

In reality my first thought was, well, it isn’t really 100 episodes. It doesn’t really count, because they weren’t all full length ones. And I should or could have done it faster if I hadn’t taken 3 months off for maternity leave. Truth is, I wasn’t even counting the number of episodes. Had they not sent me that email, I wouldn’t have noticed. And now that they had I kept qualifying it, I kept telling myself it didn’t matter. That’s what we do, isn’t it? We don’t celebrate or enjoy any milestone because all we can see are the ways it wasn’t perfect or ways we are disqualified. When I asked this question on social media, people said so many interesting things:someone said  they feel like they have to wait and see if it’s worth celebrating. They think the joy-stealing comparative thoughts like “well so and so has millions of downloads, so do my 100 episodes even count?” Someone mentioned that they carried on the dynamics of their family where accomplishments were downplayed and celebrating success was seen as arrogant or braggadocious. They fall into the virtue trap (that term Julia Cameron uses in the artist’s way by the way) virtuous thoughts like “well I don’t celebrate this or that thing because it was my duty to do that. I was just doing my job.” Using virtue to keep yourself creatively blocked or in this case from celebrating even a small win. One of my favorite comments was when a listener said “I think I don’t celebrate because I think I have a low capacity for goodness in my life in general.” 

That’s a wake up call. What is your capacity for goodness like, huh? Do you believe deep down that what you have done or tried to do is good?  That you yourself are good, worthy? If you identify as a person of faith, do you believe creation is good, that whatever higher power you believe in, do you believe your God is good? 

What if we can’t be the tender, joyful, courageous, brave artists we want to be without that capacity for goodness? What if there is no beauty without goodness? I believe that there in the heart of goodness is gratitude and joy and when those cups runneth over we have ourselves a celebration, my friends. What if we cultivated celebration as a core value in our creative life, what if that is a key that keeps us going even when no one has offered you a contract for your book yet. When we are made to wait and see. We have to learn how to celebrate because it deepens our capacity for goodness, for beauty, for joy. And we are going to need those things for the climb ahead. 

Ariel and her now husband made it to the top of half dome, by the way, of course they did. And one reason was because they greatly enjoyed the process. They celebrated every smaller mountain training climb, they saw each effort they put forth as one of many in a long, long game which wasn’t easy, but was full of joy.

And one amazing thing Ariel told me is that they have no pictures from a single pitch during the climb. They have pictures from the bottom, and pictures from the top. They have a strict no cell phones policy when they are holding ropes and holding the life of another in their hands. And there it is, another incredibly holy moment where the iphone simply isn’t needed.

Here’s to living more moments that the camera can’t capture. To releasing the guilt and fear and comparisons that stop us from celebrating. To resist the temptation to keep looking down at how far we have to fall in our creative pursuits and instead stop at each milestone with genuine faith that you are making progress, even when you are standing still or hanging on the side of the mountain. The joy is in the climb. And celebrating is being joyful out loud.

And allow me to remind you—you are good. Your body is good. Your work is inherently good just because it is made by an artist that is inherently good and there is no way you can earn or disgrace that fact. Join me as I deepen my capacity for accepting that goodness. 

And so I’ll start by celebrating the 100th episode of this show. Thanks for coming on this climb with me, we aren’t anywhere near the peak (at least I hope) but wow is this view amazing and the journey has been full of joy for me. I hope it has for you too.

Every step along whatever climb you are currently making is worth celebrating. Not because it’s especially instagramable or looks like anything but some huge dusty rock wall in front of your face. But friends don’t forget there is someone else on the other side of that rope.  Our individual climbs are unique and can even be lonely, but we aren’t alone. That’s the best thing I’ve learned in 100 episodes and that is definitely worth celebrating. 

So How to celebrate: first things first. you’re going to be tempted to take out your phone. Look instead for the thing the camera can’t capture. Stop there for a moment, no matter how far you still long to go, and let yourself whisper even if no one else can hear, wow, look at that.

I’ll be right back. 

Listening mail 

In todays listener mail I want to celebrate some big and small accomplishments of some of the people on the other side of my rope. Those in our community who were willing to share what they are celebrating this week

–Christina was named Indiana music teachers association teacher of the year

–Heidi submitted an article to try and get published for the first time 

–Sara Made good use of her energy while she had it (Yes, this has been a big theme for me this week)

–Maiken took inglorious job, but a job nonetheless, when she’s been the stay at home parent for years. (yes, gotta start somewhere my friend!) 

—Bettina honorer her gut about a feeling/situation 

Belinda completed the revelation wellness 21 days to stress relief, that sounds amazing 

Lisa stood up for herself  and Restarted my yoga practice 

Lee found some Intermittent presence through meditation 

Pamela has Nearly finished 75 days of an exercise routine, eating plan 

Elizabeth secured a dual venue art show for my Women’s art club 

Briana Played a concerto and will be promoted this fall 

These are all amazing things, big ones, small ones. All worthy of outloud Joy aka celebration.

Someone asked, any ideas for actually what to do to celebrate?

And my answer there is ask your inner artist child. What sounds fun? What do you need? What would bring you joy? Obviously there are parties and dinners and all the outer ways the world celebrates but there are inner ones too that are equally important. Sleeping in. Taking a long bath. Enjoying an activity you rarely get to do. I have a friend who bought herself a piece of jewelry when she signed her first book deal. You are the boss of your life my friend so you get to do whatever you want, no pressure to spend crazy amounts of money or involve lots of people. It can be internal, private and as simple as telling someone what you’re most grateful for. How can we destigmatize celebration, turn it from this big special thing we don’t deserve and make it a core value or lifestyle? Start internally. Do a little happy dance in the mirror the next time you wash your hands. Especially when you don’t feel like it. Hope that helps. 

Now for today’s coda

I had the distinct pleasure one summer of being in a workshop with a 17th century clown. That is a teacher of clowning in the commedia del arte tradition, which is a predecessor to the stock characters of early opera and some say even influenced physical comedy today. In the workshop, which was not for theater majors but arts educators in all disciplines, we learned movement, improvisation, and physical characterization. We actually wore noses and participated in an exercise called “eccentric dance.” (Thankfully this was also a moment where cell phones remained in their pockets.) 

What I will never forget is what our teacher said about how much clowns love mistakes. She taught us a really complicated game which put certain people in the circle on the spot. It was very easy to screw up in a hugely public way and before we even started our teacher explained that clowns love nothing more than when people screw up. It is their greatest joy. They celebrate it in the most kind-hearted way. Because it is when things go wrong that there is the largest opportunity for laughs. So whatever happens in this game, we are to treat the one who screws up like he or she is the hero of the entire round. Cheers. Songs, whistles. Celebrate because the one who makes the mistake, they’re the winner. And when you screw up, screw up big. 

So my question for you today is this: how in touch are you with your inner clown? If celebration isn’t a core value of yours, what is? Excellence? Perfection at all costs? seriously, if you are in a game where you keep seeing yourself as the loser, what if it’s only a matter of finding another game or other playmates? When celebration becomes a central tenet of who you are, you can even begin to see the unexpected as an opportunity for joy or at least learning, and hey maybe it feels a bit too high stakes for that, if it does, I highly recommend finding some outlet in your life where you can take yourself a little less seriously. Where is there a creative outlet where you can stop needing to be excellent or right? Where can you screw up big? That’s what clowning taught me. I left that workshop and my face was hurting from smiling. We all have the opportunity in whatever circles we are in to radically accept others and encourage them to do that thing clowns do so well… celebrate the silly, ridiculous, absurd joy that it is to be human.

That’s it for today’s episode of artists for joy. It was created, written, and produced by me, Merideth Hite Estevez. This show is a free offering from my woman led small business, Artists for Joy LLC. If you would like to support my work encouraging artists of all disciplines to live a more fulfilling and joyful life. Click the link the show notes to buy me a coffee. 

Today’s music features music by mendelssohn and Faure and grieg…excerpts from midsummer night’s dream from the european archive, as well as some songs without words performed by pianist Sam Chan. 

Next week I will be back with another musical meditation episode which as always will include some self coaching question to help you reflect on all that you have to celebrate. And then I’m excited to share that week after next we will have another installment of our meet an artist who series featuring our rock climber writer, editor, book midwife hahaha I gave her that name by the way, the fearless Ariel Curry. She’ll talk about what it is like shepherding creatives through the vulnerable work of creating a book and sharing it with the world, plus she’ll tell us how she has cultivated that mindset of celebration in her life. Subscribe wherever you listen or by clicking the link in the show notes so you don’t miss an episode! 

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR LISTENING. If you’ve been around for all 100 episodes, and some of you told me you have, then special thanks to you for holding the rope for me these last few years. The biggest present you can give me to celebrate is by no. 1 head on over to instagram and follow along there if you haven’t already and/or would you be so kind to leave me a review on apple podcasts or click the link in the show notes and let me know how this podcast has helped you in your creative pursuits. I absolutely love hearing from listeners. And it has truly been an honor to serve and support you these last 100 episodes. Here’s to one hundred more. Until next week, take good care. 

Ok today’s sounds of joy is barely even a sound but it is a very brief clink sound you can barely hear over a loud restaurant, but these are the true sounds of celebration. My husband took me to dinner last friday to celebrate all the things, the proposal the podcast milestone. So whatever kind of beverage you might have handing, tea, margarita, wine, coffee, just imagine that CLINK sound to be the biggest cheers I can offer over you through your earbuds. Enjoy