Transcripts contain errors :) It’s a thing, Be kind.

Hello there, Merideth Hite Estevez, your host of artists for joy podcast here. This is the bonus content for season 3 episode 1 which was entitled “how to talk to creative people.” In these little mini episodes I give you some creativity coaching questions, some things to reflect on or take to your journal and then I put the music from the previous episode center stage. Hopefully encouraging you to find some quiet time to think deeply about your creative practice, your internal dialogue, your mental and spiritual well-being. 

I also share a few listener comments in these episodes so let’s jump right in. This one generated some really deep conversations, one listener said: 

 I enjoyed this so much! I appreciate how you validated that we do care. A lot of the guidance is to not care what people think. Yes, we have to filter out some of the criticism, as you eloquently guided in this episode. But we do care. Now, I’m going to hop back on the bike.

Yes, keep riding! I do believe that if we say we don’t care we are lying, so glad that resonated. 

Another listener said: What a thought provoking episode this was for me! It occurred to me that much of this has to do with how people speak in general. I think.we've lost the fine art of communication in many ways. But there's always hope. Thanks for the suggestions. 

Such a good point. The art of communication is something we are losing, aren’t we? I resonate so deeply with that feeling too. I wonder if it’s the internet that contributing to that, we sit behind keyboards or screens and forget the power of real connection and being with someone, and how to do that with our words. Glad it generated some deep thinking for you. 

I love hearing your thoughts about each episode, so please do go to the instagram post for the episode at artistsforjoy and let me know your thoughts and read what others are saying, we have been growing a really supportive community over there, and so come join us. 

In the episode, I mentioned a post it that I have on my desk that says “it is unsustainable to take everything personally.” And so many folks have told me— THANK YOU so letting me know i’m not alone in feeling like the world is out to get me or that I’m too sensitive or needy. And friends, you are not, and yet, it is not a sustainable way of being to take everything personally. So here are 3 self-coaching questions to return to when you are feeling that familiar feeling. Discomfort, confusion, maybe anger or sensitivity. Anxiety, fear, when you feel those feelings because of what someone said or didn’t say, here are 3 questions to help you release the words or actions of others and with compassion, return to a place of love, worthiness, sustainability, etc. 

Just a reminder that these questions are in the show notes if you want to swipe up wherever you listen.

So no 1: 

What is my base-line stress level like? Or put another way, what other things are happening for me right now that might be making me more reactive, sensitive, incapable of coping or more likely to take things personally? 

One listener mentioned she was feeling like she was taking everything personally and she looked around and realized how stressed she was because they were in the middle of moving. The seeds of taking things personally grow in certain conditions—stress, fatigue, grief, are just 3–so instead of focusing on the thing that’s upsetting you. Rest. De-stress. Grieve the things that need grieving. Go inward. 
No. 2 

In the face of this upsetting thing I am taking personally, what am I afraid this means about me? 

Write all your fears down: things that come up for me are, maybe this is confirmation that I am not good enough, or I’m actually not a kind person, or I handled that badly and I should be ashamed. And there it is. that word. SHAME. Find the shame that you are most afraid of, and bring it out into the light. Brene Brown says Shame can't survive being spoken. Shame needs 3 things to survive: secrecy, silence and judgment.What are you afraid that this comment/action/occurrence means about you? Chances are, the shame is far bigger and deeper than the thing or things you are taking personally. And the good news is, that shame is something you can do something about, Talk to someone about that secret, silent judgment and release the shame with the help of someone who loves you.

No. 3 

Lastly, when something REALLY IS PERSONAL, when you feel deep down that there’s something deeply true or important in something someone has said or done to you, my favorite question to ask is this: what is God teaching me through this? And if you don’t believe in God, maybe the question is better worded in this way: “What am I meant to learn here?”

Because here’s the thing…i am not perfect,  no one is. Some things are personal, how else would we become more kind, loving, and gracious people? I want to be more of those things, and there are going to be times when I need to course correct. And as painful as the lessons may be, when I filter them through the TRUTH that is waiting for me amidst the shame—that non-negotiable truth, I am loved and lovable.  I can take the tough lessons, let them make me better, let them make me change, as uncomfortable as that can be, without it meaning that I am bad or horrible or unlovable. What are you learning through this situation? That question helps take your worthiness out of the equation, see yourself as a work in progres, and maybe even be able to offer compassion to the person or people who sent that lesson your way. 

I really hope this helps. Don’t let the world rid you of your tenderness, friends. As artists, our sensitivity is a gift, not a burden. Today’s music is a tune from kirsten edkin’s album art and soul, this one is called soul eyes. 

I am working on another full length episode for next week, so until then come join me on instagram at artists for joy for more encouragement and creative inspiration.  

Also, I would really appreciate it if you’d click the link in the show notes to the survey and fill that out for me. I would love to learn more about how you and how you listen. Until then, take good care.