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My friend, Gwen is a caseworker by day and writer by night. She works with young adults in New York city as a resource for girls who are being released from juvenile detention. We caught up this week at a writing conference and I asked her if she felt ready to pitch at the pitch slam the next day, she would be one of the authors who would spend an hour waiting in.

Only to walk up to complete strangers agents mainly to pitch her project. Gwen was sharing the book she had been working on for the last six years, a memoir that was a conglomeration of many of the most heart wrenching stories that she had collected while working with young adults coming back from the brink of crisis, it was an important.

There was also a heavy book. As I spoke to Gwen, her brow furrowed, her breaths were slow and deliberate. I put my hand on her shoulder and I looked into her eyes. You okay? I asked her tears, ran down her face and soaked into the top for cotton mask. This work is so personal. She said, rereading, this manuscript feels like looking into a mirror.

This podcast is for Gwen it's for anyone out there who needs to separate themselves from their creative product. It's for artists who need some practical tools for cultivating joy. This show is for anyone looking to debunk that tortured artist stereotype, for those who want to believe that the creative life can bring us deep satisfaction, healing and even joy.

I'm so glad you're here. I'm Merideth Hite Estevez, and this is Artists for Joy. The podcast… each week, I will share stories of artists seeking joy. We'll explore how so many travelers along this, the artist's way have left us spread crumbs wisdom and inspiration that can help us stay joyful on the journey this week on the show, the joy toolkit, a practical idea.

I learned. From another author this week at writer's digest conference in New York city, that will help you prioritize your connection to yourself and to the world around you. It'll help keep you joyful so you can keep creating. I'll answer a listener question about traveling. And I'll give you something to consider this week, but first here's some more music.

There is someone I always make time to visit when I'm in New York city, that's Picasso's girl in the mirror, a painting that lives at the museum of modern art, which is on 53rd and fifth avenue. The placard beside the painting at the museum says, quote, this painting is an exploration of the transient of beauty.

That's not what I think that the painting is about, but that's a topic for another podcast. By the way, if you wanna see this image, you can swipe up and check out the show notes. I love this painting because of what it seems to say about how others see us about how we see ourselves it's colors and shapes and patterns seems to suggest that Picasso found this woman beautiful, or at least an object of his desire.

But that's sort of secondary to what I see in this painting. We're viewing a woman viewing herself, or really viewing Picasso, viewing her, viewing herself on this trip to New York. It got me thinking about how we see ourselves. How I've seen myself lately, especially in the reflection of this, my favorite city in the world, I'm here for a writing conference of all things.

My very first one, as I chose the specific ribbons for my name tag, that describe my genre and topic and stuck them on the bottom of my lanyard. I smiled with so much. Because the truth is I've always been a writer. I won an award for a story in eighth grade. I was just a few credits, shy of a creative writing minor in undergrad, but see what I'm doing.

I'm using all these concrete things to justify myself and my identity as a writer. Do you ever do that? For example, finish this sentence real. Or painters writers, musicians do they're published. They sell their art. They make their entire income as a musician. They don't have a day job. In other words, We use the way the world sees us as a way to define our view of ourselves.

And sometimes no matter how people see us, no matter how much we achieve our failures are like tinted lenses, that color, everything. It was this way for me in New York city for years. I had never even applied to Julliard until my doctorate degree, because I was too afraid of failure. When I got in, I felt that my acceptance meant I had arrived.

And so I was meant to be here. And yet if you've been following me for a while now and listen to this show, , you know, the degree program was difficult. The time in the city did not go as planned. I felt discourage burnt out and lost. Not only that I applied for job after a job when I graduated and absolutely nothing panned out the relationship I had spent years cultivating with someone, I thought I would marry fell apart.

I was left with no prospects, no money, no job, no apartment. I left New York with my metaphorical tale between my legs. I fell into a spiral of shame. I wondered for years if God was punishing me and no amount of new accomplishments or opportunities took away these feelings of intense failure. My diploma stayed in its box for.

It was hard to visit New York for a while after that. But being here again this week and seeing Picasso's girl in the mirror, seeing my own image in the shop windows, as I walk along sixth avenue, my gray hair and baby weight, and a lanyard with a ribbon that says nonfiction writer. It strikes me how different I look on the outside now.

And yet how much more at home I. How I am seeing more of who I really am looking back at me from my reflection than maybe ever. When we see each adversity, we face as a chance to direct us along a unique path, then it becomes less like a colored lens and more like a light directing us where we should go next.

We are either becoming more of who we are meant to be, or. And leaving New York was what I needed in the end. Sometimes you have to step away from the reflections of yourself, given to you by the world in order to see yourself most clearly. I probably don't need to tell you how grateful I am that I didn't stay, because if I'd never left, I would've never met Edwin my husband or had my children.

I would never have realized my passion for working with creatives and artists who are feeling lost and lonely. Like I felt in New York city, do I wish I could have skipped over the pain and sadness of letting go of all the things I thought my life would be sure. And I much prefer this life, this woman than who I had imagined, I'd become mostly.

She's real. She's living a life that resonates with my soul so deeply. I actually ended up where I'm supposed to be. And New York city is still right where I left it full of life, friends and great art and visiting here now can make my heart full. As I'm choosing to see every moment I've had here as an amazing gift that has helped shape who I am now at the conference, the author, Tiffany D.

Jackson gave the closing keynote address. She said many things that were inspiring and informative, but my personal favorite was when Gwen, my memoir writing friend stood up and raised her. They brought her the mic. And Gwen said, I know from the content of your books, that you don't shy away from topics that are tough, like abuse, trauma, and pain.

Tell me about your self care regimen. How do you manage to stay so joyful when you carry those stories? I was so proud of Gwen for asking, we all waited with anticipation for Tiffany's answer. She said, I have a joy toolkit. I have a list of things I do or eat or watch that return me to myself. For me.

It's Bob Marley and cookie dough and Twilight movies. I plan weddings for no one on P. I take my dog for a walk. And when none of that works, I lie on the floor and let myself feel my feelings. As artists, we have to watch where we look to define our identity. We have to stop letting the mirrors that the world offers, define how we see ourselves.

We keep walking up to strangers at a conference and ask them to tell us if our project. Which we often equate our own value with is worthy of their time and attention. We look waiting for them to reflect ourselves back to us, to help us believe that we're worthy. That we're good. When really what we need to remember is what Tiffany Jackson says it is through seeking joy that we will be returned to our.

So what would be in your tool kit? For me, it's wandering around with a hot cup of coffee, listening to Bach cello suites and Bon Neva. It's dancing in the kitchen to Bruno Mars with my family. It's deep conversations over fresh guacamole, the joy tool kit. Makes it possible for two writers like Gwen and Tiffany to carry those painful stories from their own lives or lives of others and turn them into something that can educate release and even heal the pain.

Creativity allows us to take the mess and turn it into the message. But when we forget to seek joy, when we get weighed down by the world and all the ways it is trying. Define and change and even crush us. The joy toolkit keeps us afloat in the face of failure and risk and pain and everything in between in Picasso's painting the girl in the mirror, the face of the woman has two sides, one with creamy lilac skin without a blemish.

And the other is marked and clown. We all curate our lives to show our good side. We cover our shame with makeup and with manufactured confidence, but in there is who we really are. And the way we reconnect with that person is through joy allows us to see ourselves as we were made to be not as some disjunct false image.

In the Cubist style, we have an opportunity through joy to reframe our imperfections, our failures, even our beauty, and take away the power of others to provide us with that reflection. With a verdict of whether or not we made it. And we do that through prioritizing joy. It's more than something you feel it's something that you practice intentionally.

So join me as I stop defining myself by accolades and accomplishment, by some others' view of me, I call myself a writer because I write in writing. It's in my joy toolkit, just like playing the OBO. It's a way of seeing my truest image, who God made me to be, who I always was regardless of my bio or which ribbons, hang on my name.

So what's in your toolkit, pick one for every one of your senses. What is it that when you taste, see, hear, smell. What is it that brings you joy? What makes you feel most like yourself? What helps you reconnect with who you're made to be? Write them down, explore what might work and don't bother explaining them to anyone.

These tools are for you. The secret handheld mirror in your. To help you heal and rest. And remember that you are not your reflection. You are not your stories. Even if the ones you write happen to be true, you are not what the last critic or the agent at the pitch slam, who passed on your project or any other person in the world says you are take joy in becoming more.

Holy.

In working to see her and accept her unconditionally by returning to yourself through the pursuit of joy, I'll be right back.

Today's listener mail comes from a listener on Instagram who asked hi Meredith. I've been watching your adventures in NYC this week, and I am planning a trip this fall. It'll be my first time there. I was wondering if you could gimme some tips on what is not to be missed when visiting the big apple.

Thanks in advance for your help. Sincerely a New York Neo fight. Oh, my goodness. What can I say? There's so much not to be missed. First of all, Broadway, see a Broadway show. There's ways to get cheap tickets, Google it, central park, obviously the MoMA or the met. There's just so many awesome museums. The Guggenheim, the Noya gallery.

Make time to see some of these masterpieces stay away from times square, unless that's your jam. And honestly, This sort of begs the question of, you know, how do you travel with joy and intention? And one, one question I often ask my coaching clients when they're about to go on a trip, I ask them, what are your intentions for this trip?

What will have helped you feel the trip was a success? Do you want it to be restful or are you interested in trying to mark things off your bucket list? Are there people that you need to see so that you'll feel loved? What kind of energy would that involve? What kind of time would that involve? Is it what's your.

Travel size, joy toolkit. what even seemingly simple things do you need to make this trip feel joyful or feel however you need it to feel you are gonna need comfortable shoes in New York city. And here's a pro tip. Really? You travel anywhere. If you're on a budget, buy some bread and cheese from a grocery store and go sit in a park and eat it.

Be intentional when you travel. Especially when you travel in New York city, because it's a place that can be overwhelming for some. And even with just a little planning, it can be a really fun trip. Happy to answer more specific questions. If you DM me on Instagram at artists for joy. I'm no New York city expert, but I do really love it here.

And happy to advise if you have a question for me about this or any of the other episodes, or if you have a response or comment that you'd like me to read on next week's bonus episode, visit our website artist for joy.org/podcast. Or I click the link in the show notes to get in touch

now for today's Coda. There are 26 letters in the English alphabet. They make up 44 sounds that constitute 171,146 words in the English language. Shakespeare, by the way, was thought to have invented 1700 of those that are still in use today. And so my question for you today is this, what will you build?

With the tools that you have, all the books in your house, in English, in the library of Congress, they were written with the same letters, the same words, the same sounds, and like the author, Madeline Langel says in her book, walking on water, it isn't the committees that change language. It's the artists.

And you have the same number of letters as Shakespeare, the same primary colors as Picasso and people are still writing books. They're still painting. In other words, you have everything you need to create beautiful or heart wrenching or important things. And the world needs them. You not only have what you need to create beautiful things, but to also take care of your.

There is therapy and medication and dogs and travel and parks and reading. You have what you need to spark joy to remember who you are, but you are a creator of the thing that may remind others of the same. So the artist toolkit is the world. The, a world that is abundant. Sounds and letters and turns of phrase and stories that only you can tell.

So let us be deliberate with our tools to remember that we hold the power to not only change our world, but the worlds of others. One word, one book, one work of art at a time you have all the tools you need. So what will you make?

That's it for today's episode of artists for joy, it was written and produced by me, Meredith height. Estabas this podcast is made possible by the generous support of Kirk in the Hills church in Bloomfield Hills, Michigan, and by listeners like you, this show is sponsored by artists for joy, LLC, where we offer workshops classes, and one-to-one coaching for artists looking for a more joyful creative life to learn more or support the work of artists for joy.

Visit artists for joy.org. Today's music features cellist Erin. Performing works of Dell Abaco. Read more about Erin by clicking the link in the show notes and check out her new album on Spotify. Our theme song is by Angela chic recordings used with permission. If you notice the mixing sounds of the show, sound a little different it's because I recorded in a new studio since I'm on the road and I wanted to thank pirate.com for use of their awesome space in Brooklyn.

If you are in need of a podcasting studio, They really have spots all over the world. So check them out by the way, pirate. If you're listening to this and wanna sponsor me feel free, also wanted to thank the whole team of people who supported me, uh, made it possible for me to go on this trip and go to this conference.

My mother-in-law and my husband. I hope that it'll encourage you to find yourself a creative community. People who support you so that you can go and dream find. It's a must for a joyful creative life. That's for sure. I'll be back next week with some self coaching questions that will help you create your own joy toolkit.

So make sure you subscribe so you don't miss an episode. And if you haven't already, can you take a second and click five stars and write a quick review in apple podcast. It helps us move up the charts and bring more artists joy until next week. Take good. Amazing. Today's sounds of joy is a musical postcard.

I got on the final day of the conference from my husband and my daughter. She's playing a recorder. Playing is a generous word. don't worry. I turned down the volume a little bit, so she won't blow out your ears, but it surely brought me joy hearing them, and I hope it will do the same for you. Enjoy. The song is for mama.

We love you. Hey Avie Hey, the song is for mama who love you. If, if ever's, um, song for mama frees, free tunes to it, we love you.

Little bit longer. Oh, please. Just to go to stay here just long.

Oh, we want.

Stay stay, stay just started.

Whoa.

We love you. We love you too.