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Merideth’s Artist’s Oath (Prefer to listen? Click here.)
I believe God is an artist, I believe I was created to create and every leaf and flower and seed in the wind reminds me of God’s closeness and collaboration, artist to artist. It’s my human right and privilege to make things I care about, as it is for all people. It isn’t frivolous or flippant, creating is the key to unlocking who we are and the joy there.
I believe that even in creative solitude, I am never alone. I believe there is a great Collaborator, a force of grace and goodness, the keeper of all the good reeds and best formed sentences and fruitful ideas that pop off the page. That if I take care of the quantity then God will take care of the quality, to quote Julia Cameron.
I believe in the thin spaces between heaven and earth that are found when we are creating, that the creative life is inherently spiritual.
I believe I have something to say, a song to sing, that everyone does. That creativity is not a pie but spanish tapas, there are always more, there is always enough.
Therefore,
I joyfully swear to keep showing up. Even when I wonder if I am a great big fake or a complete hack
I joyfully swear to be gentle with myself, to offer loving kindness to myself and others because creating is a lot like becoming a mother—it can be painful, messy and make you question your whole identity.
I joyfully swear to forgive myself for my perceived mistakes or failures. I say perceived because i want to believe every mistake and failure has something to teach me.
I joyfully swear to allow myself to grieve these losses, andoffer myself grace and understanding, compassion and release—around every embarrassment, missed mark, lost audition or email pitch that was not responded to.
Code of conduct–
–I will not starve myself–I will eat food that nourishes my body, I do not have to earn my shower. No matter how hard I do or do not work I will first and foremost take care of my physical and mental health.
–I will pursue my inner artist and parent my inner child with love–I will find time for play, to fill the form with rest, laughter and connection.
–I will ride the routines like a life raft–to start writing the podcast for the week the week prior, to try to record before Thursday, to practice oboe fundamentals every morning after the morning pages. And to remember I have the right to change the routine if it is not working.
–I will tell the truth, lean into vulnerability, cultivate a tough skin and a tender heart (in the words of rachel held evans)
–I will be direct about my needs and desires with myself and others. I believe that clear is kind (that’s brene brown) and needing or wanting something doesn’t make me weak.
–I will protect my energy, guard myself from crazy makers and toxic people who snuff out my light and suck up my joy
–I will listen for all my life is saying by witnesses my thoughts with regularity
–I will not believe everything I think
–I will see procrastination for what it is– fear, and love myself through it
–I will keep trying to find the angel in the marble, to know that it’s hard work that sets her free, remembering that that process is reductive, it’s only a matter of letting things go to reveal all that is hidden…it’s believing I am capable and whole and worthy
–I will look for ways to be a beginner again, to stop judging myself when I am starting or starting again
–I will stop giving people I don’t even like control over my actions, to constantly evaluate and reevaluate who’s criticism I will take to heart
–I will see my identity as an empath as a strength, instead of a liability, to know my tenderness and openness to feeling is a superpower for compassion and connection and creativity
–I will remember that the tortured artist stereotype is a lie, that great art can come from joy as well as pain and suffering
–I will eat vegetables and drink water
–I will listen to all that my jealousy, anger, anxiety, and triggers are trying to teach me. To let them call to all that needs healing, all that I want, all that longs to be heard.
–I will know that my worthiness does not come from a salary number or office size, from a title or an accolade, that no matter what I achieve it will never be enough and the only thing that will fit in the God sized whole in my heart is God.
I dedicate this oath to artists everywhere, that I might serve them, help them overcome blocks both foreign and domestic, both internal and external, to help them sing their song, to change their lens, to not give up. May they open the studio doors wide and see that life is an artist’s date, that all of creation is just one big masterpiece and they’re part of it.
Whereas the party, one Merideth Hite Estevez, signs hereto, on this day, March 25, in the year of our Lord 2 thousand and twenty two, with joy.