“Mistakes I’ve had a few.” —This transcript
My friend Cate is a writer, entrepreneur who is also raising two little ones. Her weekly work flow is, well, not really a flow at all, it is mostly stops and starts. She shares the family duties with her husband and they work in the cracks during naps and after the girls fall asleep. That is, except for Mondays. Cate gets a whole day childfree. She usually goes to the library, armed with her computer and a packed lunch and gets down to work for a mostly uninterrupted 8 hours of work. Except, she realized recently…she couldn’t seem to get anything done, even when she was closed up without distractions in the library study room. Sure, she’d play catch up for a few hours and clear the inbox, maybe plan some social media posts, but it wasn’t a good use of her time, she wasn’t “flowing” then either, even with all the time laid out before her. She still felt distracted, anxious, and behind when she walked into the house at 5PM.
This podcast is for Cate
It’s for anyone else wondering why they can’t seem to make the most of their time, whether they have chunks or cracks.
It’s for artists who are wondering if there’s some secret to hacking their energy, to managing their work, to getting more done and staying joyful in the process
This show is for anyone looking to debunk that “tortured artist” stereotype, for those who want to believe that the creative life can bring us deep satisfaction, healing, and even joy. I’m so glad you’re here.
I’m Merideth Hite Estevez, and this is Artists for joy the podcast
SHORT MUSIC BREAK
each week I will share stories of artists seeking joy… We’ll explore how so many travelers along this the artist’s way have left us bread crumbs—wisdom and inspiration that can help us stay joyful on the journey.
This week on the podcast, our penultimate installment of our how to series–how to manage your time (and stay joyful in the process). This week I am sharing the most helpful insight I read recently for artists who are struggling with time management, which lets be real, is all of us. Plus I’ll share how Cate learned to find the flow when or wherever she was working. get ready to readjust your whole schedule, friends.
But first here's some more music.
I knew I wasn’t like other kids. One weekend I was home from boarding school and I was driving in the car with my dad. He had this thing he would do when he was driving you around, he’d reach out and grab my hand. Since I had left home at age 16 to go to a special boarding school for the arts, these drives to and from school, with my dad as my chauffeur, were special. He’d make me listen to his favorite classic rock station, he’d tell me about how he’d always wanted to play the guitar as a kid but that his dad bought him an accordion instead, and other stories he repeated constantly. Or sometimes we’d just ride in silence, hand in hand.
My dad loved me, that I knew. And this particular drive back to school, I realized that he did more than love me, he knew me. He said, “ya know, most people don’t learn what you learned until much later.” I said “What do you mean?” “You are improving so much at playing the oboe because you set your mind to it. Your mother and I had no idea that you would take the instrument so far. But now I am not surprised because I see how disciplined you are. You wake up and first thing in the morning you practice, you prioritize your music. It took me many more years than you have now to figure that out. You are more driven than anyone else I’ve ever known. I’m proud of you.”
As happy as I was to hear he was proud of me, there was a part of me that sunk when I heard him say the bit about being driven. He was right. And that was what made me different from others my age. I was what you might have called serious, or single-minded. And that felt complicated somehow, I think in that moment I was worried I was missing out on some other freer simpler way of life. A life where I didn’t obsess about my rate of productivity, or every result of an audition or lesson or practice session needing to be stellar, and perfect, and good. For God’s sake, I was 16. I remember having those thoughts as early as 12 or 13. This was before conservatory or Fulbright or Ivy league or Juilliard. So you can imagine how this mindset served me well, until, it…well, didn’t.
I had this way of removing obstacles and barreling forward, at whatever cost. And boy, it did cost me. It cost me my joy for music, in fact. If you’ve listened to this podcast for a while you know more about that big crash that came at the end of those years. And remembering this car ride with my dad this week, maybe a part of me knew that would happen. Maybe I didn’t have to learn how to be disciplined like he did, I had to learn how to let go of outcomes and enjoy the process a little more.
So what relationship do you have with managing your time? Are you like a 16 year old me–do you tend to worship your schedules, plans, planners, obsessively mapping out your days down to the minute and chaining the schedule to your ankle like you are a prisoner? Or, are you someone who goes with the flow more, but fears you are missing the mark on your goals and even when you reach maybe if you’re honest, you’ve gotten there through the unhealthy and unsustainable cramming?
I know from my coaching clients and creative friends that we have an abundance of tasks to do, creative and not so creative, and we have a finite number of minutes to do them each day. That is pretty much true across the board. And we have long term goals, like win an orchestral job or book a show in a gallery, but we are unsure about the steps for how to get there or if our day to day work is even heading us in the direction of our dreams, or any direction even, sometimes it feels like spinning in circles and going nowhere specific. Like dodging bullets or keeping yourself afloat, there’s no time for thriving or growing or even thinking sometimes. The creative life is full.
Back in season 2, episode 9 I did a show on energy, and I’ll link to that one in the show notes, if you haven’t heard it, it’s a good companion to this one. It talks about how time is finite, and energy is not. So instead of focusing on how much time you do or do not have, focus more on energy…stay away from tasks that suck your energy and build up those that give you energy, etc. That’s episode 9 in season 2, I’ll link to it in the show notes. That advice stands up, I work coaching clients through the energy audit exercise all the time.
But since then, I’ve been thinking specifically about creative energy, that if being disciplined and driven to achieve when unhealthy, can lead to injury or burn out or whatever form of unsustainability you may choose, then what is the alternative? And the question that I’m left with now having lived trying to maximize my energy levels as an artist for the last few years, is that frankly I can’t always control what I need to do when.
Try this little thought experiment: take the creative thing you do and now flesh it out for what it really involves. And put percentages beside each one. Let’s take oboe playing for example: playing the oboe is about 50% reed making and 40% practicing alone, 5% practicing with others, and 5% performing. And that isn’t even including things like, writing emails about gigs, promoting yourself, taking auditions, writing a resume, etc. Whatever your percentages are, there is likely a hefty percentage that is not something that particularly gives you energy, or even is creative. Oboe reed making actually takes very little creativity. It’s science, it is a craft. The most creative you get to be is which thread color you choose. So what other things go along with your creative practice that are not creative at all? What things go along with your work that you find energy draining, and yet, you can’t be a painter without cleaning your brushes or prepping the canvases you’re about to paint on? So maybe the first step is recognizing that when you call yourself an artist you are also an entrepreneur, a writer, a content creator, a CEO, a book keeper. And so no wonder we can’t manage our time or our energy. We just want to make stuff for goodness sake.
I discovered an essay recently written by Paul Graham, it was written way back in 2009, but many folks have written about it since then… I’ll put the link in the show notes so you can read it, it’s called “makers schedule, managers schedule” and in he discusses how the creative work flow is not best measured in hourly chunks like a mangers work flow is. He says “One meeting can throw the whole day off creatively.” EXACTLY. How many times have you had a whole day ahead of you and one zoom meeting at noon and just because that meeting looming you think, well, I won’t have time to get really into that so I better just wait until later and so you start answering some emails and suddenly its noon and you haven’t practiced. And then after the meeting is over you are longing to check off the list the things looming in your inbox and so you keep in a manager mindset until its 4PM and you are far too tired to make anything at all.
Graham points out that the world’s most successful people are functioning on a a manager schedule, and we makers, well we are over here in in a different time zone entirely. And so here is the first of the how tos for managing your time—change that language, stop MANAGING your time, when you are being creative, approach the time you have with a maker mindset. Makers need time to percolate, makers need an entrance and exit ramp, they need a flexibility that cannot fit into neat hourly appointments. Get better at listening to your inner maker, what does he or she need to do the creative thing? A change of scenery? A candle? A latte? It isn’t weakness to need or long for these things, of course little things matter to your inner maker. Are you trying to be a maker on a manager’s schedule?
My friend Cate, the one who can’t seem to feel in the flow on Mondays even when she has the whole day…she realized that she was approaching her free day like a manager, not a maker. She was holed up in a library conference room and what her make really wanted was to take a walk first, let her mind wander, and to dream. This filled her cup, gave her so much energy that she could work better in the cracks for the rest of the week. She resisted the temptation to check more things of her to-do list, managers have to-do lists, artists have ideas to explore…and instead she now calls Mondays, dream days. Days when she focuses on letting her inner maker play, explore, be curious. She’ll set some loose goals for the day, but she holds them with flexibility and gentleness. You might think it’s wasteful to use her full day with childcare doing these things, but check in with your inner maker, make sure he or she hasn’t been completely drowned out by that loud mouth manager that the world always validates and celebrates. And the amazing thing is that Cate is not only creatively thriving, but more productive than ever.
So the key to managing your time well as an artist is to take the managers mindset out of it, and start making with your time instead. You buy the planners and you sign up for the workshops for how to hack your creative energy, but what if it doesn’t need more structure, what if it needs more space, more play, more dream days. Protect your maker spirit, your creative impulse, find all the tools like timers and do not disturb alerts, and away messages on your email and social media and put the boundaries in place for your maker schedule so you can find the flow. And hey, there are going to be manager days. You gotta make a buck, you have to be an adult in the world, you have to in some cases run a business. But find the practices that help you transition, block off large chunks of time, and STOP CONSTANTLY CHECKING YOUR EMAIL (That’s mainly for me.) Remember that saying no to one thing means saying yes to something else. And don’t expect the world to approve of you carving out a makers schedule in a managers world. But you do not need their permission or blessing.
Bach when I was 16, watching my dad drive away after saying those things about me, after dropping me off, I remembered feeling worried. I think I thought I was nothing without my driven, disciplined, taskmaster personality. I worried it wasn’t sustainable to work this hard forever. Spoiler alert, it wasn’t. I worried about what failure would do to me. And maybe you have similar fears.
So how to manage your time? DON’T. Reserve your managing for things like your email inbox. Don’t see your creative time as something to be managed, but accept it as space for you to make in, big or small. Be a maker, unapologetically in a world of managers. You’ll be able to hear yourself and what you need, you’ll be capable of dreaming. You will actually know how near or far you are from your goals because you’ll find some perspective. You’ll fill the tank to fuel all the non creative tasks you need to complete on a managers schedule at another time, and you won’t spin your wheels feeling bad as to why you aren’t producing from the same impulse with which you reply to emails.
Try manager mornings and artist afternoons or maker mornings and manager middays. Carve out 1 hour and play on the page. This is oddly specific to oboe players, but don’t have your reed knife out fixing reeds when you are warming up. Listen to the sound coming out of your instrument and be present in whatever moment you are in. Make and leave the judgment for later. Notice your percentages, how much of your creative practice is manager and how much is maker. What boundaries do you need to put into place so you can switch between the two schedules or work flows? What are some on ramps or exit ramps that will help you shift between the two.
I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again, the quality of your work does not correlate to the value of your worth. Being disciplined and driven did not make my father love me anymore than holding his hand made me any more his daughter. That was who I already was, I was already loved unconditionally, it was a non-negotiable. And the same is true for you, too. Bringing forth creative products, making things that you care about, sharing your work with the world is hard work. And it is not work for the manager to do. And using managerial ways to get things done– treating yourself badly while you are learning, not allowing yourself to make mistakes, working yourself into the ground, however much temporary success you find in the interim, it will only lead you to the dead end road of burnout, injury, or creative block. The maker inside of you is longing for the freedom and space to think, to play, to dream. Can’t you MAKE some time for that today
I’ll be right back.
Today’s listener’s message is from a listener on instagram. I am a writer and I have trouble getting started writing each day. Once I get going I seem to find a rhythm but it literally feels like pulling teeth getting myself to sit down. I’m wondering if you had any tips for how to get going more immediately. I think I keep waiting to feel inspired and when I don’t I dread sitting down. I waste half my writing time researching or making to do lists. Any tips? Thanks, sincerely Poet Procrastinator
Oh yes do I have tips. I must say my writing routine at this juncture in my life is not something to be envied. So I feel you. I just can’t seem to get myself to stop being in manager mode and move to the maker mode. So here are 3 things that work for me.
Entrance ramp/exit ramp—do something that helps you transition from one activity into writing. Light a candle, say a prayer, spin around 3 times, change locations, get a new drink, close out all the tabs on your internet browser. Mark the moment with some small ritual or action. If you are writing a poem, try a short free write in prose or write a haiku or something fun. Pretend you are an athlete and you are stretching your writing muscles. Don’t treat writing like some other managerial task, because that energy is all wrong, IMO.
Something I’m trying is manager mornings and artist afternoons….block out half your day if you can to just make. This is particularly useful if you are trying to write in the cracks of time, see if you can move all of your creative work to one afternoon or even one day and DO NOT SCHEDULE MEETINGS or anything tasks that will take you out of that mindset. It is so hard to do, OMG. I can’t tell you how many things just kept creeping in on Thursdays when that used to be my podcasting day, so now I am trying to focus on the emails in the morning, and being a maker all afternoon. It allows me to go home to my children with a better energy and everyone likes me more.
Last tip, when you leave the writing the day before, stop slightly before something is finished or finish a poem and start writing another one, even though you know you won’t finish. It is a lot easier to get started when there is something on the page. I usually start by reading something I wrote the day before and usually it’s easier to pick up right where I left and keep it moving. DANGER though…this may tempt you to start editing, unless that’s what you need to be doing with that time, resist the temptation to go in and start correcting things. Remember some parts of writing can feel managerial, some parts can feel very vulnerable and emotional, some parts are just downright frustrating and arduous, so check in with yourself, what kind of energy is it take from you each day? What kinds of tasks bring you energy with your writing? How can you find some sort of equilibrium in your creative practice that will keep you coming back for more?
So those were….entrance/exit ramp, try blocking off larger swaths of time when possible, and begin in media res, or in the midst of something you’ve already started. If you have other tips for this poet procrastinator, please leave them in the comments on instagram, in the post for this episode. We’d love to read them.
Now, for today’s coda
Writer Austin Kleon said “if you want to be the noun, first do the verb.” And so my question for you today is…which nouns do you wanna be— writer, oboist, singer, dancer, painter, artist—What if all you had to do to be those things is to do those things–to write, to oboe, to sing, to dance, to paint? Let’s not forget in the busyness of trying to manage our way out of stress and the daily time crunch… that to be the noun we must do the verb. There’s no minimum number of words you need to write daily to call yourself a writer, when you write, you are a writer. When you make you are a maker. And so don’t let anyone else tell you differently. And, there is not a set number of verbs you can do or nouns you can be. Consider the ways your mindset about your identities, the things you believe to be true about yourself or the world, consider the ways they are holding you back from living and making with joy. I think there is a little lie that we all love to believe—that if we only had enough time, then we’d create more. But my friend Cate and any number of listeners who have empty nests, or have lost their jobs, or otherwise find themselves with loads of time on their hands will tell you—time is not the problem. So don’t believe that scarcity mindset, accept the verbs of the creative life with joy, be patient with yourself as you manage your energy. Protect your inner maker from the constant and exhausting manager schedule that the world made convince you that you need. Using all the time that you have, to let yourself play, dream, and make.
That’s it for this week’s episode of artists for joy
Today’s music features my favorite musical procrastinator, wolfgang amadeaus mozart, performed by the chamber orchestra of ny. Our theme song is by angela sheik.
Our latest registration for the artist’s way creative cluster went live. Click the link in the show notes to register today and learn more.
I’ll be back next week for another musical meditation episode. Until then, take good care.
Today’s sounds of joy is the world famous baby cellist, my daughter Eva who is 4.5 years old. We have been learning some mozart, we’ve spent an entire year learning twinkle twinkle little star. So here’s a snippet. Enjoy.